IRON BUTT SADDLESORE 1000 (SEPT 2010)
IRON BUTT
so....
Friday night all i wanted to do was go to sleep - having tried the rah rah wtih Lisa to no avail - between her email, my 6 hour marathon meal with my ex the night before all I wanted to do was sleep until 10. I had wanted to do an Iron Butt - Caryl and I had talked about it all last year - and we had been told we couldn't, or shouldn't, or wait or all of the above. We had planned on covertly accomplishing it on the way home from Keystone and we had been chastised by the SoA about risks etc. So didn't happen.....
the hotel phone went off at 3...and Nadine did not trust me enough to answer it... then an alarm somewhere again at 3:15... AM.
tired, tired tired... I figured we would get to the gas station and all decide to go back to sleep. I had not had lunch nor dinner on Friday.... so a couple of sticks of cheese served as my breakfast... fear and dread of how to do this whole thing ... because as usual I hadnt really had a chance to read any of the "official" paperwork ... I mean really "how hard could it be?" and I had Dr. Procedure with me so as long as I didn't ask too many questions all at one time I figured I could get by.
paperwork... yea... forgot that.... a text at 8 p.m. to caryl and then a long wait until nearly dawn and Caryl came through.... I guess I would be going on this deal.
Witness... I had arranged for a witness that we could trust.... and she would be at the gas station by 3:45... 3:50....:3:55... wheels squeeling a fairly disheviled but very purposeful jeep wrangling boi barreled in. Alarm missed.... Ok we really were going....
OMG could the first 110 miles have taken any longer? Been any more uncomfortable? Colder, Darker, Windier, Miserable? The whole way I kept thinking - if THIS is how it's going to be for the next 900 miles I am quitting right now. I am getting a hotel and I am quitting. Drunk drivers - check; stupid over driving SUV's - check; oddly marked construction -check. I had decided I was done. I needed a hotel, I wasnt in the right frame of mind for this. My seat was uncomfortable, the chaps didnt fit right, my hands were all over the handle bars, I was hungry, I was thirsty and I was tired.
Stop 1 bleck... stop, write in log, log gets blown around... Nadine is jazzed, Caryl is purposeful and in the zone... and I... I am hitting the GPS for local hotels. I decide to pop a 5 hour energy drink... I mean REALLY?? 2 hours into this stupid thing and I need a bump? I take it - at the very least it will keep me awake long enough to find a hotel.
oh and it is TRUE.... it really is Darker before the Dawn.... I mean it really did suddenly get BLACK around 5ish... I thought WHO the HECK turned off the lights!!! then the dawn started and it got lighter.... who knew?
20 min on to stop 2 and ... I feel better... my tunes are now working, the seat is OK, the heated gear is good, my hands are warm... ok... maybe I will stick with them for a bit.....
some more stops and things are getting better... then the blinking sign.... 60 minute delay - consider alt route... WTF? We zoom by ... Nadine has been setting a perfect pace, Caryl is jamming behind me and I am nicely cocooned in between. I wonder if Caryl saw the sign... I wonder if Nadine saw the sign... I start to speed up... and then another sign... Alt Route -71... so then I wonder... um maybe the sign means that on Alt Route 71 there is a 60 min delay ... quite frankly we are only 300+ miles into this - and we can't afford a 60 min delay - at this pace we might not finish (yes, I was a bit concerned about the whole finishing thing) the road ahead is clear so I had to have been wrong... STOP!!!!!! Traffic is Stopped... Nadine artfully leads us up the soft shoulder until we have to merge - which of course you don't mess with Caryl who would like to light a cig and wants to take the lane... done.
Now I am fretting... 60 minutes... there is a sign for exit ahead... Nadine signals we all look and .... uh.... what exit? Oh... once you go by it, you see where it directed you through a maze of cones to the far soft shoulder... drat.. thankfully the IB Goddesses took pity on us and it wasnt as long as 60 minutes ....
LUNCH! Feeling good! 440 miles - Texts to everyone - halfway!!!! I'm not really hungry... why? Oh because at stop 3 I bought a couple of big bags of snacks... I had them stuffed in my coat and with my gloves would attempt to get my fingers in the bag... then when i was somewhat confident I had a snack or three - I had to get them to my mouth....uh.... I wear a full face helmet.... soooo..... necessity and 1000 miles is the mother of invention ... so over the top I attempt to drop them into my mouth - more often than not they land on my tongue or I catch them in my mouth... It kept me entertained for hours...
the next 60 miles too FOREVER... I mean seriously.... we were nearly halfway at lunch...why is it taking so long to make the turn??? We stop and then Caryl gets this idea.... maybe we could go to Arkansas ... at leats I think it was Caryl... I know I was whining that I didn't have Arkansas as a state... guess what we have now! Arkansas!!!!! Trust but Verify when you are Iron Butting it... So I ask this trucker.... in my helmet... excuse me sir.... is Arkansas close? he says yes, should we go down this side road... well... you can... but why wouldnt you go down the road 1 mile? Uh... good point
Blytheville AR it is! A stop, a drink, and a return trip!
Not really sure but we blasted back up i57.... around 3ish I decide I am going to switch to the spicy snack mix... which sounded like a good idea.... until you realize that "spicy" mix means there is spicy dust... and when you try to feed yourself near your eyes, in the wind.... well.... not one of my brightest ideas. I spent a lot of time crying in my helmet.... trying to clear the damn spicy crap out of my eyes... unwilling to admit to the team that I needed to stop and put the ride in jeapordy! MJ why are your eyes so red..... uh... so I switch to the non spicy ... in this mix there are peanuts... I am sure that the ones that escape are flying into Caryl's windshield. The escapees never make my mouth, they float a bit , then rattle around my face screen and fly out! Kinda fun... as I now begin to fixate...
600 miles... feeling good... giddy even... maybe we should consider the Butt Burner... another 500 miles but we get another 1200 miles... why not! Cairo IL..... SCAREEEEEEEEE...... but the fried chicken and "plate specials"" certainly smell good... must ride!
hey we might get this thing done!!
800+ miles and we are in Ardwenia or Arcadia or something... ok ok Arcola... I am tired. 200 more miles... Nadine is beside herself... some "lick"town... and cooter and Dix (only mentioned under protest as it is not spelled correctly). I dont want to do 500 miles... I want to be done now... its 8:30... sun is setting and weather seems to be changing...
two very long hours... Michigan won.... Uconn lost... my radio is spotty so I am singing every Sorority song I know... and songs in Chinese... everyone... Dong Fang Hong... Tai Yen Shen... Jong Wo Chu liao eeee ga Mao Ze Dong... Ta Wei Ren Min Mon Shin Fu...Hu or aiyo Da Sho Jin! East is the Wind, Rises the Sun... in China was born Mao Ze Dong... He makes the people happy and free he is ouuuuuurr great liberator! hmm last part still doesnt rhyme in english... maybe it does in Chinese... let's sing it again only louder! I think nadine can hear me
900+ Akrowilliam.... I mean Ashkola... or Ashcraft? I am now officially ... tired... bone weary... every vibration... annoying... that stupid bump in my sock that didnt bother me at 10 a.m. certainly does now at 10:34 PM.... I want to nap... but we still have miles to go before we sleep... boy did that guy get it right... how about we sleep now... a guy in a corvette lets us know that a storm is coming. He has to put on his t-covers or whatever... then keeps goin on about a storm...Ok we get it! and then comes over with his iPhone and talks to Inspector Gadget... yea buddy she will see your iPhone and raise you... well pick something off her handlebars... phones out everyone is calling, texting to find out where this storm is....
more minutes... I am very happy sprawled on the concrete .... Caryl decides she can not pass up the opportunity to put on her rain gear... I never met someone who loved their rain gear so much... thunder? No, Caryl assures us, in Ashkrom they do drum circles... who knew! Lightening? No .. Caryl says that's not "real" lightening.... seems AC (according to Caryl) lightening is only "real" if it is accompanied with rain AND Thunder.... makes sense. Rain Gear ON. Rain begins... dark... brand new ashphalt... AWESOME.. did I mention DARK? How can we be 1 stop away from Chicago and it be so DARN RURAL!!! and DARK....rain? I mean REALLY? RAIN?? on our Iron Butt?? Ohhh no it can't be easy..... fine then... maybe Nadine was right - maybe we should have turned around and headed the other direction to finish this...I mean we still have 6 hours to complete...but why let the weather stop us...what she said... follow and don't lose her...
Closer now... its now 2 hours later... where did that time go... how did I get here... what are all these lights? Who are all these drunks? over driving SUV's.... hey what does my odomoter say? 996..... 998.... 999.5....6.....7.....8....9...1000!!! somewhere near Home Glenn! WHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am alone in my helmet... Nadine is hunched over fending off the morons... Caryl is tucked in her rain gear focused.... I whoop! nada... I throw my fist in the air... still nada... does NO ONE want to celebrate with me???? 94 miles... we pull in to a Shell at Lake in Bloomingdale... HOORAY we have done it! Gas for Everyone... gas on Nadines tank, her tank bag... Gas on Caryl's seat... her coat... we are angry, we are unreasonable, we are furyious... the poor non-english speaking clerk is not terrified enough by our awesome power to flee... no receipts...wait maybe Caryl got one for $0.03... bikes are man handled, helmets are piping red hot from our anger and frustration and tiredness and everything else.
LEAVE... must get to Elgin
Murderers, Thieves, stupid Iron Butt... SUV's suck... Drunks suck.... Lights in your side mirror SUCK MOST... keep together... must finish... why in the world would Nadine want to go another 500miles...? think she will... must keep up....
Elgin! the End... our End... let's END!!!.... witness? wheres our witness... where the HECK is JJ!!!!! ok ok she has to work at 7... it's 1:25.... she promised... Caryl is gassed and done! Nadine is gassed and DONE... will they leave w/o me...? I get gas and voila! JJ... our witness!!!
Kinda unceremonious... exicited...sort of... tired, bedraggled (and that was our witness also pulling a college all nighter), did I mention tired and dusty... bone weary ... and Go Go Gadget whips out... Champagne!!! It IS Ceremonious!!!! It IS an accomplishment of epic proportions!!! A cop or 2 stops... you're nto going to drink that are you... Uh.. no officer but but but... we just did 1000 miles in 24 hours... I did that once in my car.... uh huh... but NOT teetering on 700 lbs with only 8 inches of rubber ever hitting the ground at any one time!!!! NOT Like that THAT you didn't do it!!!
Completed! Done! The only thing left is the verification... the reviewing of the reciepts... the providing of the special password that allows me to purchase all my IBA goodies....
Hotel is gotten, Caryl has had ENOUGH - she jets off - I convince Nadine to stay - fuck it I am staying - I think JJ wanted to sleep on the floor she has to work in a few hours. More Champaign.... more rehashing... maybe we can get up in a few hours and do that extra 500 miles by 4 p.m. ... yea let's talk about that in a few hours.....
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
so....
Friday night all i wanted to do was go to sleep - having tried the rah rah wtih Lisa to no avail - between her email, my 6 hour marathon meal with my ex the night before all I wanted to do was sleep until 10. I had wanted to do an Iron Butt - Caryl and I had talked about it all last year - and we had been told we couldn't, or shouldn't, or wait or all of the above. We had planned on covertly accomplishing it on the way home from Keystone and we had been chastised by the SoA about risks etc. So didn't happen.....
the hotel phone went off at 3...and Nadine did not trust me enough to answer it... then an alarm somewhere again at 3:15... AM.
tired, tired tired... I figured we would get to the gas station and all decide to go back to sleep. I had not had lunch nor dinner on Friday.... so a couple of sticks of cheese served as my breakfast... fear and dread of how to do this whole thing ... because as usual I hadnt really had a chance to read any of the "official" paperwork ... I mean really "how hard could it be?" and I had Dr. Procedure with me so as long as I didn't ask too many questions all at one time I figured I could get by.
paperwork... yea... forgot that.... a text at 8 p.m. to caryl and then a long wait until nearly dawn and Caryl came through.... I guess I would be going on this deal.
Witness... I had arranged for a witness that we could trust.... and she would be at the gas station by 3:45... 3:50....:3:55... wheels squeeling a fairly disheviled but very purposeful jeep wrangling boi barreled in. Alarm missed.... Ok we really were going....
OMG could the first 110 miles have taken any longer? Been any more uncomfortable? Colder, Darker, Windier, Miserable? The whole way I kept thinking - if THIS is how it's going to be for the next 900 miles I am quitting right now. I am getting a hotel and I am quitting. Drunk drivers - check; stupid over driving SUV's - check; oddly marked construction -check. I had decided I was done. I needed a hotel, I wasnt in the right frame of mind for this. My seat was uncomfortable, the chaps didnt fit right, my hands were all over the handle bars, I was hungry, I was thirsty and I was tired.
Stop 1 bleck... stop, write in log, log gets blown around... Nadine is jazzed, Caryl is purposeful and in the zone... and I... I am hitting the GPS for local hotels. I decide to pop a 5 hour energy drink... I mean REALLY?? 2 hours into this stupid thing and I need a bump? I take it - at the very least it will keep me awake long enough to find a hotel.
oh and it is TRUE.... it really is Darker before the Dawn.... I mean it really did suddenly get BLACK around 5ish... I thought WHO the HECK turned off the lights!!! then the dawn started and it got lighter.... who knew?
20 min on to stop 2 and ... I feel better... my tunes are now working, the seat is OK, the heated gear is good, my hands are warm... ok... maybe I will stick with them for a bit.....
some more stops and things are getting better... then the blinking sign.... 60 minute delay - consider alt route... WTF? We zoom by ... Nadine has been setting a perfect pace, Caryl is jamming behind me and I am nicely cocooned in between. I wonder if Caryl saw the sign... I wonder if Nadine saw the sign... I start to speed up... and then another sign... Alt Route -71... so then I wonder... um maybe the sign means that on Alt Route 71 there is a 60 min delay ... quite frankly we are only 300+ miles into this - and we can't afford a 60 min delay - at this pace we might not finish (yes, I was a bit concerned about the whole finishing thing) the road ahead is clear so I had to have been wrong... STOP!!!!!! Traffic is Stopped... Nadine artfully leads us up the soft shoulder until we have to merge - which of course you don't mess with Caryl who would like to light a cig and wants to take the lane... done.
Now I am fretting... 60 minutes... there is a sign for exit ahead... Nadine signals we all look and .... uh.... what exit? Oh... once you go by it, you see where it directed you through a maze of cones to the far soft shoulder... drat.. thankfully the IB Goddesses took pity on us and it wasnt as long as 60 minutes ....
LUNCH! Feeling good! 440 miles - Texts to everyone - halfway!!!! I'm not really hungry... why? Oh because at stop 3 I bought a couple of big bags of snacks... I had them stuffed in my coat and with my gloves would attempt to get my fingers in the bag... then when i was somewhat confident I had a snack or three - I had to get them to my mouth....uh.... I wear a full face helmet.... soooo..... necessity and 1000 miles is the mother of invention ... so over the top I attempt to drop them into my mouth - more often than not they land on my tongue or I catch them in my mouth... It kept me entertained for hours...
the next 60 miles too FOREVER... I mean seriously.... we were nearly halfway at lunch...why is it taking so long to make the turn??? We stop and then Caryl gets this idea.... maybe we could go to Arkansas ... at leats I think it was Caryl... I know I was whining that I didn't have Arkansas as a state... guess what we have now! Arkansas!!!!! Trust but Verify when you are Iron Butting it... So I ask this trucker.... in my helmet... excuse me sir.... is Arkansas close? he says yes, should we go down this side road... well... you can... but why wouldnt you go down the road 1 mile? Uh... good point
Blytheville AR it is! A stop, a drink, and a return trip!
Not really sure but we blasted back up i57.... around 3ish I decide I am going to switch to the spicy snack mix... which sounded like a good idea.... until you realize that "spicy" mix means there is spicy dust... and when you try to feed yourself near your eyes, in the wind.... well.... not one of my brightest ideas. I spent a lot of time crying in my helmet.... trying to clear the damn spicy crap out of my eyes... unwilling to admit to the team that I needed to stop and put the ride in jeapordy! MJ why are your eyes so red..... uh... so I switch to the non spicy ... in this mix there are peanuts... I am sure that the ones that escape are flying into Caryl's windshield. The escapees never make my mouth, they float a bit , then rattle around my face screen and fly out! Kinda fun... as I now begin to fixate...
600 miles... feeling good... giddy even... maybe we should consider the Butt Burner... another 500 miles but we get another 1200 miles... why not! Cairo IL..... SCAREEEEEEEEE...... but the fried chicken and "plate specials"" certainly smell good... must ride!
hey we might get this thing done!!
800+ miles and we are in Ardwenia or Arcadia or something... ok ok Arcola... I am tired. 200 more miles... Nadine is beside herself... some "lick"town... and cooter and Dix (only mentioned under protest as it is not spelled correctly). I dont want to do 500 miles... I want to be done now... its 8:30... sun is setting and weather seems to be changing...
two very long hours... Michigan won.... Uconn lost... my radio is spotty so I am singing every Sorority song I know... and songs in Chinese... everyone... Dong Fang Hong... Tai Yen Shen... Jong Wo Chu liao eeee ga Mao Ze Dong... Ta Wei Ren Min Mon Shin Fu...Hu or aiyo Da Sho Jin! East is the Wind, Rises the Sun... in China was born Mao Ze Dong... He makes the people happy and free he is ouuuuuurr great liberator! hmm last part still doesnt rhyme in english... maybe it does in Chinese... let's sing it again only louder! I think nadine can hear me
900+ Akrowilliam.... I mean Ashkola... or Ashcraft? I am now officially ... tired... bone weary... every vibration... annoying... that stupid bump in my sock that didnt bother me at 10 a.m. certainly does now at 10:34 PM.... I want to nap... but we still have miles to go before we sleep... boy did that guy get it right... how about we sleep now... a guy in a corvette lets us know that a storm is coming. He has to put on his t-covers or whatever... then keeps goin on about a storm...Ok we get it! and then comes over with his iPhone and talks to Inspector Gadget... yea buddy she will see your iPhone and raise you... well pick something off her handlebars... phones out everyone is calling, texting to find out where this storm is....
more minutes... I am very happy sprawled on the concrete .... Caryl decides she can not pass up the opportunity to put on her rain gear... I never met someone who loved their rain gear so much... thunder? No, Caryl assures us, in Ashkrom they do drum circles... who knew! Lightening? No .. Caryl says that's not "real" lightening.... seems AC (according to Caryl) lightening is only "real" if it is accompanied with rain AND Thunder.... makes sense. Rain Gear ON. Rain begins... dark... brand new ashphalt... AWESOME.. did I mention DARK? How can we be 1 stop away from Chicago and it be so DARN RURAL!!! and DARK....rain? I mean REALLY? RAIN?? on our Iron Butt?? Ohhh no it can't be easy..... fine then... maybe Nadine was right - maybe we should have turned around and headed the other direction to finish this...I mean we still have 6 hours to complete...but why let the weather stop us...what she said... follow and don't lose her...
Closer now... its now 2 hours later... where did that time go... how did I get here... what are all these lights? Who are all these drunks? over driving SUV's.... hey what does my odomoter say? 996..... 998.... 999.5....6.....7.....8....9...1000!!! somewhere near Home Glenn! WHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am alone in my helmet... Nadine is hunched over fending off the morons... Caryl is tucked in her rain gear focused.... I whoop! nada... I throw my fist in the air... still nada... does NO ONE want to celebrate with me???? 94 miles... we pull in to a Shell at Lake in Bloomingdale... HOORAY we have done it! Gas for Everyone... gas on Nadines tank, her tank bag... Gas on Caryl's seat... her coat... we are angry, we are unreasonable, we are furyious... the poor non-english speaking clerk is not terrified enough by our awesome power to flee... no receipts...wait maybe Caryl got one for $0.03... bikes are man handled, helmets are piping red hot from our anger and frustration and tiredness and everything else.
LEAVE... must get to Elgin
Murderers, Thieves, stupid Iron Butt... SUV's suck... Drunks suck.... Lights in your side mirror SUCK MOST... keep together... must finish... why in the world would Nadine want to go another 500miles...? think she will... must keep up....
Elgin! the End... our End... let's END!!!.... witness? wheres our witness... where the HECK is JJ!!!!! ok ok she has to work at 7... it's 1:25.... she promised... Caryl is gassed and done! Nadine is gassed and DONE... will they leave w/o me...? I get gas and voila! JJ... our witness!!!
Kinda unceremonious... exicited...sort of... tired, bedraggled (and that was our witness also pulling a college all nighter), did I mention tired and dusty... bone weary ... and Go Go Gadget whips out... Champagne!!! It IS Ceremonious!!!! It IS an accomplishment of epic proportions!!! A cop or 2 stops... you're nto going to drink that are you... Uh.. no officer but but but... we just did 1000 miles in 24 hours... I did that once in my car.... uh huh... but NOT teetering on 700 lbs with only 8 inches of rubber ever hitting the ground at any one time!!!! NOT Like that THAT you didn't do it!!!
Completed! Done! The only thing left is the verification... the reviewing of the reciepts... the providing of the special password that allows me to purchase all my IBA goodies....
Hotel is gotten, Caryl has had ENOUGH - she jets off - I convince Nadine to stay - fuck it I am staying - I think JJ wanted to sleep on the floor she has to work in a few hours. More Champaign.... more rehashing... maybe we can get up in a few hours and do that extra 500 miles by 4 p.m. ... yea let's talk about that in a few hours.....
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz